unwritten.

Anonymous asked: you may have fooled yourself but you cant fool me. just give it up,you're not gonna stop me from finding you

i’m not trying to be bitchy,but why are you so obsessed with reading my blog that every time i change my url you’re so desperate to find me. there’s a billion other blogs (including other people from our school..and yes,i’m assuming you’re from my school because you’re probably trying to read my blog so that you can find out all my deepest darkest secrets and tell everyone.) that you could be reading. did you ever wonder why i always change my url…because it’s people like you that annoy the hell out of me with your stupid anon messages and rude feedback. this is tumblr,not formspring. last time i checked,it’s my blog and i can write whatever i please. if you don’t like it,stop reading it. or just shut up and don’t tell me you found my url once again after i changed it…do you want a gold sticker for that? so,have yourself a wonderful day and smoke sum weed to chill out xox 

well i made it through another day

what will take my emptiness away. i sit in class and just wonder what life’s purpose really is. life is inferior yet beautiful. sometimes,i ask myself what my purpose of living is. i don’t think it’s fair to be alive and unhappy. it’s just hurting yourself and the people around you because you’re bringing them down. the only thing keeping me going right now is my friends. i am so grateful that i have my friends. right now,i don’t really have my family. i love all my friends,but i really don’t know what the fuck i’d ever do without my best friend steph. this is going to sound so cliche and stero typical but it’s the true way of describing steph and our friendship. no matter what,through thick and thin she’s always stuck by my side. whenever we’re ripped out of our minds,we always have the deepest intense heart to hearts (about everything,anything and anyone). i know she’s hurting a lot right now because of sum douchebag that shall remain nameless. i’m trying to help her through it and be there for her,but sometimes it’s hard because i can’t stand to see her upset about it. it hurts me to know that my bestie is dieing inside because he broke her heart. i know how she feels because i went through the same pain,and i still feel it sometime’s when i miss him. her wounds are still fresh,and so is her pain. before,i never really understand the things she did for him to be with him,but once i fell in love myself and then got my heart destroyed,i understood. you will do anything for that person you love. cross lines that shouldn’t be crossed. say things that should never be said. and do things that you know will have a bad outcome and consequences. yet,you still don’t care because the only thing that matters most in the world at that moment in time is making that person happy,because you know that’s what makes you happy. i have never ever seen a poem that puts all of the characteristics of love into one small poem that makes so much sense. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7oFO4rDW80) every time i listen to it,i cry. this is how i felt,and still feel. i know that steph will grow out of him,and move on. right now it’s the hardest thing to deal with. we do stupid things for these guys. what do we get in return? ignored. humiliated. stressed. heart ache. i will make sure that she’s okay,and as everyday passes i’m going to help her get through this. that’s what best friends are for. support. not to argue,judge,blame,or exclude. no matter what choices they make,it’s their life. you can try to talk them out of it,but usually when someone has their mind set on something they want,they’re going to get it by doing whatever it takes. i’m so baffled at sum of the girls behaviour lately. i know that they’re all worried about us,and our inappropriate choices of dealing with our pain because they’re scared shitless that something bad is going to happen to us. i totally get where they’re coming from,but it’s just a phase. smoking weed puts us in a place that we forget about all the pain and just be content with what’s happening in that moment. a stress reliever you could say. just like smoking cigarettes,drinking coffee,or a fat kid eating mcdonalds. if you don’t get what you’re craving right then,you get irritated,agitated,moody,angry,and just want to have a temper tantrum. it’s like a heroin addict,if they don’t get their fix that instant when they’re craving it,they start to panic. he was my drug of choice. i got addicted to him. he’s still in my system. i want another dose of him. i know i can’t have that,so instead i turn to an alternate option such as marijuana,oxys,alcohol,anything to take away the misery. i know it won’t last forever,but right now it seems like forever. all i know is that i want to be happy in life. i don’t want to be a miserable mother,who disowns her daughter,spends her husbands money and can’t stand to look at herself for the simple fact that she hates who she is that much. today in class my teacher asked me two questions: 1. what do you want to get out of life? 2. what is an accomplishment you are most proud of? i answered; true happiness and life itself. so i made it through another day on my journey to find true happiness,and this is still the beginning. i had it once,but lost it. so now,i’m back on the road in hopes that it’ll find it’s way to me. but,i think it’s time for me to stop talking so much and go take a bucket toke. 

tis the season to be jolly, fa la la la la la la la la